Why did I Ever Have to Care?

I wrote this when my grandmother was ailing around the same time in 2014. Reading this post I did on Facebook, I did not regret that decision...

There are times when I want to surrender through all these hardships. There are people who tell me why do I focus much on looking after my grandmother... There are people who keep on telling me about her misses and failures and faults as a human, as a wife, as a mother and as a grandmother. But I stay adamant of telling you people this. I am taking care of my sick grandmother because there is humanity in me. 

There were people who questioned my decision why do I have to rush her to the hospital. Why? Because I can't bear to sit still and do nothing when an ailing, 80-something, helpless, grieving widow suffer when I can do something to make her feel better. There are people who tell me that I am punishing myself and pushing myself to the limits in taking care of this old woman. But I tell them that God sees what I do. I sin, you sin, she sins, we sin. But if we keep on counting each other's sins, how can we fulfill our role as humans? 

I cannot speak for the sins and faults of my grandmother. It was her doing. But I don't judge her, for to judge is not my task but God's. She yelled at me when I was young, she pinched me, she spanked me, and she deprived me of things in one way or another. She's greedy as much as she was miserly. But that doesn't make me hate her. I do this because I have compassion for her. I do this because she's old already. I do this because God wants me to do this. Whatever suffering and sacrifices I have to go through because I have to take care of her, I am more than willing to do that.

 Whatever "hate" bash I may hear against her, because there are people who have angst against her, I am willing to endure that. At the end of the day, God sees. I know He directs me, guides me, nourishes me and showers me with grace no human could ever give. I find space for forgiveness in my heart. I find my prayers nourishing enough to strengthen me and lengthen my patience, to endure, to see through the darkness and find out there's actually a silver lining. I hope, you, too, will find time to delve deep in your hearts and show compassion to those who need them most.

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